I remember thinking, "There's no handles on that bag. How are they gonna pick her up? How are they gonna carry her?" And they just grabbed the bag and threw her in the ambulance. Just like that.
Doppo Kunikida: — What's going on?
Atsushi Nakajima: — Kunikida-san. I think this may explain it.
Osamu Dazai: — I knew the Complete Guide to Suicide was a masterpiece! Who knew I just needed to eat mushrooms growing in the nearby hills to have such an entertaining way out?!
— She died when I was eight and... she crawled underneath the porch.
— To die?
— To be alone.
— Oh, wait, everyone. It's Justin Foley and Zach Dempsey, star basketball players here at Liberty High. Hey, Justin, where's my bike? Justin stole my bike.
— What the fuck? What are you doing?
— I'm giving our new foreign exchange students a tour. Figured they should know who owns the school, right, you guys?
— Clay.
— Right, right. Moving on. Where were we? Right. The auditorium. Oh, oh, but before we go... I want to show you something super cool. Okay?
— Clay, cut it out.
— Look at these lockers. They all look alike, right? Not this one. This one is special. It belonged to a girl who killed herself.
— Clay, come on!
— You see all these "don't kill yourself" posters up on the wall? They weren't up before. They put them up because she killed herself. And why did she do it? Because the kids her treated her like shit!
— Jensen, that's enough.
— But no one wants to admit it, so they paint over the bathrooms and put up the memorial, because that's the kind of school that this is! Everyone is just so nice until they drive you to kill yourself! And sooner or later the truth will come out! It's gonna come out.
The majority of people who attempt suicide repeat their attempts until they succeed. I took a risk in lying to her about her condition. I decided to test the only remedy I've come to have any faith in. Awareness of life. Until she finds out from some other doctor that she's perfectly healthy, she'll consider each day a miracle. Which in my view it is.
If only my life could be more like the movies. I want an angel to swoop down like he does to Jimmy Stewart... in It's a Wonderful Life and talk me out of suicide. I've always waited for that one moment of truth to set me free... and change my life forever. But he won't come. It doesn't happen that way. All the drugs, all the therapy... the fights, anger, guilt, Rafe, suicidal thoughts. All of that was part of some slow recovery process. The same way I went down, I came back up... gradually, and then suddenly.
I feel like committing suicide, but I've got so many problems, that wouldn't solve them all.
— Don't you try to get me.
— Not me, no. You're the one who wants to get yourself killed, not me. Always happens with you guys, you know? The last minute you always want to... grab onto somebody, take somebody with you. Down you go. Not me, brother.
— Aren't you gonna try to grab me?
— A friend of mine was up about 20 floors with a jumper a few years ago. The jumper grabbed him and they went off. And 20 floors down, just mashed all over. Couldn't tell which legs were with which, which arms were with which. And it was a terrible mess. I tell you, I almost threw up myself. I'd just like your name and address, that's all.
— Why?
— Like I said... it's such a mess down there afterwards. It makes identification impossible. Even if they find your driver's license, all that blood and everything...
— I think... I think I'm gonna puke.
— Oh, now don't do that, son. I mean, all those people down there looking up. The fire chief looking up. His face...
— You rotten bastard.
I don't wanna take up a ton of your time... but I'm gonna kill myself. I just thought that someone should know. I don't know how this works. I'm probably gonna jump off an overpass in front of a semi or a u-haul, not a bus, I'm not gonna be a dick and make people watch. But it has to be big, it's gotta be so big that it just – done! – kills me. Lights out. 'Cause if it just maims me and I'm like well, how's that good for anyone? Then I gotta find a nurse to smother me. How am I gonna get across "smothering" if I'm... We don't need to get caught up in the minutia, I just thought that an adult... you should know.
“It was a good party, Mary,” he said.
“My last.”
“Don’t say that, my dear.”
“Why not? I’m tired of living, Ralph, and I’m going to stop.”Her hard eyes mocked.“Do you doubt me? For over seventy years I’ve done precisely what I wanted to do when I wanted to do it, so if Death thinks he’s the one to choose the time of my going, he’s very much mistaken. I’ll die when I choose the time, and no suicide, either. It’s our will to live keeps us kicking, Ralph; it isn’t hard to stop if we really want to. I’m tired, and I want to stop. Very simple.”