Funny Quotes about God Quotes

— God doesn't take vacations, does he?
— Did you ever hear of the Dark Ages?

— Who are you?
— I'm the one. Creator of the heavens and the earth, alpha and omega.
— Oh, I see where this is going.
— Bruce, I'm God.

— Pugsley, sit in the chair.
— Why?
— So we can play a game.
— What game?
— [strapping him in] It's called, "Is There a God?"

— Wake up, you. There are troops coming.
— Blue or grey?
— They're grey, like us. Let's say hello to them, then get going. Hurrah! Hurrah for the Confederacy! Hurrah! Down with General Grant! Hurrah for General... What's his name?
— Lee.
— Lee! God is with us because he hates the Yanks, too! Hurrah!
— God's not on our side, cos he hates idiots also.

— Hey. What's he like?
— God? Lonely... but funny. He's got a great sense of humor. Sex, for example. There's nothing funnier than the ridiculous faces you people make mid-coitus.
— Sex is a joke in heaven?
— The way I understand it, it's mostly a joke down here too.

Human beings have neither the aural nor the psychological capacity to withstand the awesome power of God's true voice. Were you to hear it, your mind would cave in and your heart would explode. We went through five Adams before we figured that one out.