— As a matter of fact, I'd... like you to be the boy's godfather.
— I... am honored.
— I... am lying.
Everyone, this is my sister, Paige. I'd like you to meet random people I don't care about.
It's a strange feeling when everyone's stuck in hell and you're not.
If you found someone who makes you happy by just sitting around and holding hands, then eventually all that other stuff won't matter.
There's nothing more difficult than letting go of someone you cared about.
I am your new friend, so suck it!
I was just glad to watch TV and, for once, not be in a world of crap.
Say, Newbie, I, uh, I gotta hand it to you. It took the heart of a lion to apologize to Mrs. Wilk like that. It took the incompetence of a bewildered jackass to make that error to begin with.
When you know there's an end, it forces you to live.
— Promise me you'll hold me like this when I push your baby out my bajingo.
— I'm putting on a third condom.
— Guys, listen, we really need to help Elliot.
— She said she doesn't want help.
— If J. D. Were drowning and said he didn't want you to save him, wouldn't you?
— Depends. What if there're hot chicks? Maybe he wants one of them to jump in and save him.
— Say there's no women.
— There's always women at the pool!
— Fine. He's in a pond.
— Oh, I would never swim in a pond. They're infamous for serpents.
— You could swim at the Y, men only. Have you been on man night?
— Not me.
— Fine! Turk's the one who's drowning!
— So now a brother can't swim.
— Why do you have to go there?
— Oh, my God! I would rather play Jiggly Ball than try to explain this to you two idiots.