Man 1: Hello, we were wondering whether we could talk to you about Jesus?
Bernard: Great! Come in!
Man 1: What?
Bernard: I'd love to hear about Jesus, what's he up to now? Come on, come on in.
Man 1: Er... are you sure?
Bernard: Yes, in, in, come in!
Man 2: It's a trick!
Man 1: It's just... generally people don't say yes.
Bernard: Well, I'm not people! Come on in, let's talk beliefs!
— Those books, how much?
— Hm?
— The leather-bound books.
— The Collected Works of Charles Dickens.
— They're real leather?
— They're real Dickens.
— I have to know because they have to go with a sofa. Everything else in my house is real. I'll give you two hundred.
— Two hundred what?
— Two hundred pounds!
— Are they leather-bound pounds?
— No.
— Sorry, I need leather-bound pounds to go with my wallet. Next!
Bernard: Right, the shop is closed! Everybody get out! Time to go home! Come on!
Customer: It's only quarter to three.
Bernard: Yes, but it's my shop! Come on, go home! Bye-bye!
Customer: It's hardly fair.
Bernard: It's not fair at all. Get out!
Customer: I expect better service...
Bernard: Expect away. Bye-bye! Come on, you time-wasting bastards! Back on the streets! Goodbye! Thank you! Bye-bye-bye! Back to reality. Thank you!
Fran: Bernard, do you want this? Buy this.
Bernard: What is it?
Fran: It's a thing.
Bernard: Is it?
Fran: Yes.
Bernard: What does it do?
Fran: It's very in.
Bernard: You don't know what it is, do you?
Fran: I-it's very now.
Fran: Bernard? Finished your accounts?
Bernard: Yeah, I've turned them into a rather smart casual jacket.
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