Follows teenager Clay Jensen, in his quest to uncover the story behind his classmate and crush, Hannah, and her decision to end her life.
Love has made me angry, paranoid, afraid. Love has made me a monster, more than once.
— Oh, you... you find your drink?
— Yeah, it's a Z-Man rocks.
— A Z-Man rocks?
— Yeah.
— What's in it?
— Everything the Z-Man could get his hands on. On the rocks.
— I found this. Your college essay. The one that got you in. I didn'n read it. It's personal.
— Dude, I mean, we have literally breathed each other's farts. You've walked in on me jerking off more times than you even know, and now you draw the line?
He's my brother. He's my positive influence.
— I just feel like maybe I'm just not meant to be happy, or like...
— Listen, man, happiness, it just makes us unhappy.
— I thought for a minute maybe I had found something kinda close, but... I was just wrong.
— Shit. It's just like we chase shit that we think is gonna make us happy, but it doesn't. It just ends sad. Every fucking time. Every fucking time! That's why you gotta be OK not being happy. That's what sets you free. That's what makes us free. The fact that you can just let go of everything and just say, "Fuck it", you know? Just fuck it all.
It comes down to one question. Will you survive high school? Will I survive? Because I know too many people who didn't. In the past two years, three people who I loved have died. And two...two other people...who I thought I hated, also died. But I learned that hate is too simple. Jessica's right. Hate is easy. Love and understanding are harder. But they are how we take care of each other, how we survive. My dad loves to tell me stories about when he was in high school. The stories usually involve chess club and obscure bands with funny haircuts, because the '80s were a strange, strange time. But he always gets one thing right. He knows high school can hurt. That it can be painful. That there are days when that's all it is. And he once told me that he's living proof...you can survive. You can get through it. He's living proof, and so am I. And so are all of you. And the thing is, for me, for us, this class, this...generation, high school actually is life or death. We show up every day not knowing if this is the day we die. If this is the day someone shows up with a gun and tries to kill us all. We practice what we'll do if that happens. Life or death. I suffer from anxiety...and, uh, depression. But mostly anxiety. I sometimes think all of us kids do, in some way. And how could we not, with the world the way it is? We hear a lot of promises that things will get better. And...and, look, maybe they will, maybe they won't. And what I think I've learned, what I wanna say to you...is whatever happens, keep moving. Get through it. Choose to live. 'Cause even on the worst day, there are people who love you. There's new music waiting for you to hear, some...something you haven't seen before that will blow your mind in the best way. Even on the worst day, life is a pretty spectacular thing.
— Can you ever forgive me?
— I'm not who needs to forgive you.
- 1
- 2