The Apartment – Movie Quotes

— Can I ask you a personal question?
— No.
— You got a girlfriend?
— She may be a girl but she is no friend of mine.

— The mirror... It's broken.
— Yes, I know. I like it that way. Makes me look the way I feel.

Something happens to men in elevators. It's the change of altitude. The blood rushes to their head.

— I never said goodbye, Fran.
— For a while there, you try kidding yourself that you're going with an unmarried man. Then one day he keeps looking at his watch... and asks you if any lipstick's showing... then rushes out to catch the 7:14 to White Plains. So you fix yourself a cup of instant coffee and you sit there by yourself and you think and it all begins to look so... ugly.
— How do you think I felt riding home on that 7:14 train?

How long does it take to get someone you're stuck on out of your system? If only they'd invent some kind of pump for that.

— Where'll we go? My place or yours?
— Might as well go to mine. Everybody else does.

You know, I used to live like Robinson Crusoe. Shipwrecked, among eight million people. And then one day I saw a footprint in the sand... and there you were.

Some people take, some people get took. And they know they're gettin' took and there's nothin' they can do about it.

— Well, I don't wanna gloat, but just between us, you had it coming to you. You're gonna have a shiner tomorrow. Let me get my bag.
— Don't bother, Doc. It doesn't hurt a bit.

— What do you call it when somebody keeps gettin' smashed up in car accidents?
— Bad insurance risk?
— That's me with men. I was jinxed from the word go. First time I was ever kissed was in a cemetery.