Now one young couple wished to be married and live happily ever after. So I blew up their car at the church on the way to the honeymoon. Another guy he wanted great, perfect sex every day with his choice of gorgeous women — no pregnancies. So everyday he gets a FedEx delivery of a skin magazine and a box of tissues.
— You just remember that no matter how hard shit you think you are, It's always gonna be more the same. Just another High School.
— High School?
— Hell yeah. Everything in life is like high school. They're just changin' names. You take this place. Instead of principle, we've got boss. Instead of teachers, supervisors. Instead of assignments, they give us work orders and if you fuck up them work orders, you get fired. Instead of expelled. Oh yeah, names are different, but it is exact same shit. High school.
— How do you start a conversation with the girl of your dreams, without coming of like a total dork?
— Don's say anything. Let her start.
Well. See, all my girlfriends, are always a reaction to the one I had last. Janet was so opinionated about my art, it drove me crazy. So I found Sally, who refuses to be judgemental about it. Meanwhile she's trying to psychoanalyse me. So she is not the one either.
— You set in my car, with your own package. Why didn't you take it?
— Well, you made a deal. What kind of guy would I be if I caused you to... violate your blood oath? And, besides, it's the fact that you lost all your money... and you went to jail... you left to girl... ditched your car... All, to bring this to me? Makes it far more valuable. Now it has... stories to go with it. Well... Don't you want to know what's inside?
— I did before, but... doesn't really matter now... 'cause, whatever it is... won't be as good as the stories.
— Well seing as you understand that. I'll open it.
— OK... Here's an apple, food. Now, I'd like you washed that man's windshield. Work.
— Hey man. I ain't gonna wash his widnshield for no apple.
— Oh, excuse me. It doesn't say «might work for food», it doesn't say «restricted menues», says «will work for food». This is food. That's work. What's the problem?
— I ain't do'n it, that's all.
— Now, let's be honest. You don't want to work. You just want a hand out, so you can buy booze. And nothing wrong with that. Drinking... that's a great human tradition. And if you'd been straight about it, I'd bought you some Chevas. But by holding up that sign. You made an eymployment agreement. Which I intend to hold you to. Now... There's the apple, you wash that car.
— Fuck you man. I don't want your fucken apple, so I don't gotta wash that fucken car. Here's what I think of your fucken apple.
— Well, now since you've took my food. You gotta wash that car. Wash it.
— Mr. Cody, this is really unimportant.
— Yes it is. This jerk out here lying in writing! I don't tolerate lying from any one! Especially not in writing.
— Valerie McCabe, Yale '91. I've got a special rate for visitors, and I know I can win your case.
— You don't even know my case.
— The Madison case? Nuisance suit. Happens to visitors all the time. Fact is J. J. Madison doesn't even have a cat. He's allergic. I could have it thrown out in no time.
— Wait, he never had a cat? So, why's he going to sue somebody for it?
— Because he can. Every adult citizen of Morlaw is a lawyer, so everybody sues everybody else. It doesn't matter if there's a cause. It's how we ensure that everyone makes a living off their profession.
— Yeah, but that's insane.
— And I'll need you to seal it with the drop of your blood.
— Blood?
— Of course. I'm the DEVIL. Just kidding.
— But look at them. They seam miserable to you. They live a simple, happy life. No decisions... no responsibilities... No problems... They found their answer. You so shure, that your life is better than thairs?
— It's like thay're animals.
— Oh yeah, we're all animals. Just that, some of us have different priorites. That's all.
— So, where you going Laura?
— Me? Oh, I'm going to a... find a perfect fuck.
— Wow, that's an interesting destination.
— Yeah, ever been there?
— Can't say that I have.
— Me either. But so far the trip's been pretty exciting.
— Only, how will you know, when you've gotten there?