Good Advice – Movie Quotes

«Dear Cindy, I've recently been introduced to your column, I don't have many people to talk to, so I thought, well... here goes. My son has the aids. I never approved of his lifestyle, and was always honest about it. Now, I live in shame, and have been telling people he has cancer. I know most of your stuff is about broken hearts and romance, but why can't I move past this? I don't have a lot of time to find an answer here. Please... help me. I don't have a lot of time to find an answer, please help me.»
— It is not how your son dies, but rather, how he lived. He may not agree with all your life choices either, but I'll bet he loves you. Don't be angry at yourself for feeling shame, be angry at the people who instill shame in you. Let go of your prejudice, and grab hold of your son. You'll have plenty of time after he's gone for anger.

— ...causing quite a buzz in the tri-state area, is advice columnist, Cindy Styne, who has a rather unorthodox approach, and unique perspective, to say the least. For example, a woman writes in she's having no luck finding the perfect caring guy.
— So Cindy advises, «The problem isn't finding a boyfriend who is perfect, gentle and caring. The problem is, guys like that already have boyfriends.»

— Iris!
— The sexy turquoise one with the spaghetti straps, honey.
— No, I was looking for today's galleys.
— Right there on your desk.
— I see. Thank you. Not the navy suit?

— You don't think I'd fit in with the elitist, high-brow, artsy fartsy downtown scene? I can be as progressive as the next guy.
— Okay, come on.
— What is «projected pastels»?
— You'll see.
— Okay, maybe not as progressive as the next guy.
— The artist inserts the hose and fills himself with paint.
— You're kidding?! You're not kidding.
— Now he'll projectile release the paint onto the canvas.
— Whatever happened to brushes?
— He calls it «Enemart». It represents the waste of his life being released from the bowels of his being. Do you find this offensive?
— No. No. What about this could possibly be offensive?
— I'm so sorry.
— Just because I got a little paint in the face from a man's ass?
— But it was a well respected ass. You should have seen your expression. It was actually kind of cute.

— I need your help.
— Of course you do. Ok. I can inject some of the fat I took from Cathy's ass into it... it'll give you at least an extra two inches.

— Barry, wake up! I need 200 grand, and I need it now.
— No. Ryan... you're a bad stockbroker. See, you lose people's money.
— I'm not a stockbroker anymore. Exactly, I'm not giving my money to a... female columnist.
— I'm not a female.
— You could be.

— You usually sneak out of bed and leave a woman in the middle of the night?
— I'm sorry. But last night I came up with an idea that could save your paper.
— How?
— Beating Simpson at his own game. If I can get 200 grand, I can turn it into millions. I borrowed 50. How much do you have?
— She has nothing.
— Less than nothing. If you count interest.
— Damn it. where am I going to get my hands on 150 grand?
— Here's my checkbook.
— Iris, no. I don't want your money.
— You have 150 grand?
— In one of my accounts.
— She's loaded.
— I'm a great housekeeper. Three divorces... I kept every house.
— She just works here for fun.
— Or until I find my next husband.
— Iris, I'll pay you back.
— Oh, I don't want it back. I just want a piece. I want part ownership of whatever he has planned, or I'll cash all my paychecks, and break you.

— I couldn't think of a better partner.
— Oh, no! It's painfully clear that you've been using me — to get to her.
— And you mapped out a very direct route.
— But... I have, it seems, found consolation in the arms of another man. A younger man!
— Whoever he is, he's a lucky man, too.

— Dude, I am so not happy with the direction this seems to be going.
— Dude, get over it.