— But look at them. They seam miserable to you. They live a simple, happy life. No decisions... no responsibilities... No problems... They found their answer. You so shure, that your life is better than thairs?
— It's like thay're animals.
— Oh yeah, we're all animals. Just that, some of us have different priorites. That's all.
— So, where you going Laura?
— Me? Oh, I'm going to a... find a perfect fuck.
— Wow, that's an interesting destination.
— Yeah, ever been there?
— Can't say that I have.
— Me either. But so far the trip's been pretty exciting.
— Only, how will you know, when you've gotten there?
— All right... What's the trick?
— Trick?
— Where is the food? Can't all be in your stomach.
— Actually, I don't know. The fact is, I always loved eating. More than anything. Go into a restaurant, want to order everything on the menu. But, I was always frustrated, by the small capacity of my stomach. Well, 17 years ago, I made a wish... And amazingly enough it came true. Now I have, what you might call,
a black hole in my belly. Onely I have to keep eating like this, six or seven times a day. Gets expensive. So, I travel a lot, and take
advantage of guys like you to pay for it.
— That's a good one.
— Excuse me, mister. I've got to know one thing. Do you still love eating?
— No... now it's a drag.
— Ever hear Fred Turned mister Oliver?
— No sir.
— Well, he was an historian. About a hundert years ago, he came up with the theory about the Frontiere. Said, the Frontiere was a... safty velve for civilization. Place for people to go, to keep them from going mad. So... whanever were folks, who couldn't fit in with ways things were... Nuts, malcontents, extremists... Thay'd packed up and head for the Frontiere. So America got started. All the crackpods and trouble makers in Europa, packed up, and went to a Frontiere, which became, The Thirteen Colonies... When some people couldn't fit in with that, they moved further west. Which is why all the nust eventually ended up in Califonia. Turned died in 1942. So, he wond around long enought to see what would happen to the World, when we ran out of Frontiere. Some people say, we had a Frontiere in the mind. And they go off and explore the wonderfull world of alcohol, and drugs, but, that's no Frontiere. It's just another way for us to fool ourselves... And we've created this phonyfrontiere with computers. Which allows people to think thay've escaped... Frontiere with acces fees...
— What about Space? The final Frontiere?
— Ah, Star Trek isn't Space. That's television. Find fucken Frontiere, that is. Besides, how many folks can just pack up, and go to Space? Naa, the Frontiere is just here, Interstate 60. That's why I was put here. Give people, who wanted a little different, place to go.
So what did I do? I did what any self respecting hopeless romantic would do.
— Who are you mister?
— The O. W stands for One Wish. That's what I do. I grant wishes. One to a customer. Your was more interesting, then most. Open ended. Signifies thought instead of greed. That's what I get most of the time. Gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme this, gimme that... Usually money, or sex, or easy living. How I deliver. Yeah, that depends on what mood I'm in.
— Eight Ball, is this guy bull-shitting me?
Magic 8 ball: — That's for you to decide.
As I said, it all started on my 22nd birthday, specifically here at my traditional birthday lunch. As always my father had picked the restaurant. Attending were the usual suspects: Sally, who my parents actually liked, maybe even more than I did; my dad, Daniel, attorney-at-law; my mom, Marlene, the attorney's wife; and my sister and best friend, Nancy, put on earth by the grace of God to keep me from going insane.
— Yo bitch! I want back my fuckin' cloths, you cocksucker's confiscated. I shouldn't be fuckin' wearin' this, I'm on leash no more. Hey, handsome... What you looking at me like that for?
— I just didn't expect you to talk that way.
— What, something wrong with the way I fuckin' talk?
— No, no, no, no, no, no. I mean, YES. Yes. You make Mike Tyson sound like an Oxford graduate.
I worked graveyard shift at a grocery warehouse, filling orders for the trucks to take to the various stores in the morning. I liked it for three reasons: I'd gotten the job on my own, it paid enough that I did not have to ask the old man for cash, and it annoyed Daniel that his son was even working at such a low class job.
Oh, and Dad, that thing? It's crap. You got ripped off. [pointing at a painting on a wall] And it's upside down.
![Oh, and Dad, that thing? It's crap. You got ripped off. [pointing at a painting on a wall] And it's upside down.](https://quoters.info/files/quote-pictures/433506-trassa-60-interstate-60.jpg)
— I could sue you for that. You just made a defamatory remark about this town. Hey, are you looking at my legs? I could sue you for that too, sexual harassment.
— Is there anything you can't sue me for?
— Hire me. That way, everything between us is subject to attorney-client privilege. I'm $75 an hour. First hour is free.
— Well, at least you know my case. All right, you're hired.
— Okay, so if everyone who lives here is a lawyer, how do you live? I mean, who runs the grocery store? Who does your dry-cleaning? Who fixes the shitter when it breaks?
— Well, we all moonlight on the law-related jobs. You know, police, bailiffs, court reporters. But those other, trivial things you mentioned? They're done by people like you awaiting trial. It's the only way they can afford their legal fees.
— I wished for... an answer.
— An answer, OK an answer to what?
— An answer to my life.
— So, what if I'm dead? What if I'm dead, right now. There is no reason, why shouldn't drive on oncoming traffic, right?
— OK, go ahead. Try it. But that's way you accelerated in way of the big semi, coming at us, which should be in about 25 seconds, I figure. Come to this. Now, if you are dead... Then, this is the after life, and you made a deal with a guy, sealed in blood, who knew everything about you, even what you are going to say, before you said it. Now who do you think, that guy might be? And... do you think it is a good idea to piss him of? Oh, I love this highway.
