Joe «Josephine» – Character Quotes

— How do they keep their balance in these things?
— Must be the way the weight is distributed.

— Look, if you're interested in whether I am married or not...
— Oh, I'm not interested at all.
— Well, I'm not.
— That's very interesting.

— Didn't you girls say you went to a conservatory?
— Oh, yes. For a whole year.
— I thought you said three years.
— We got time off for good behaviour.

— We gotta get out of town. We could grow beards.
— We will get out of town, but we're gonna shave.
— At a time like this? They wanna blast our heads off, and you wanna shave.
— Shave our legs, stupid.

— Isn't water polo terribly dangerous?
— I'll say. I had two ponies drowned under me.

— What's with him? He drinks?
— No, he ain't eatin' so good. His empty stomach has gone to his head.

— Hey, Sheboygan. What was your last job? Playing square dances?
— No. Funerals.
— Would you mind rejoining the living? Goose it up a little.

— Tell me, who runs up that flag? Your wife?
— No, my flag steward.
— Who mixes the cocktails? Your wife?
— No, my cocktail steward.
— Look, if you're interested in whether I am married or not...
— Oh, I'm not interested at all.
— Well, I'm not.

— And why would a guy wanna marry a guy?
— Security.

— I'm engaged.
— Congratulations. Who's the lucky girl?
— I am.
— What?!
— Osgood proposed to me. We're planning a June wedding.
— What are you talking about? You can't marry Osgood.
— Do you think he's too old for me?

— You will come and hear us play?
— If it's at all possible.
— Do come. It'll be such fun. And bring your yacht.

It's not how long you wait, it's who you're waiting for!

— It is so draughty. They must catch cold all the time.
— Quit stalling. We'll miss the train.
— I feel naked. I feel like everybody's starin' at me.
— With those legs? Are you crazy?

— Can't make an omelette without breakin' an egg.
— What's with the omelette?
— Nag, nag, nag. We got a yacht, a bracelet, you've got Osgood, I've got Sugar. We'll be cookin'.
— Joe!
— What?
— Something tells me the omelette is about to hit the fan...

— They don't care. You're wearing a skirt. It's like waving a red flag to a bull.
— I'm sick of being the flag. l wanna be a bull again.

None of that, Sugar. No guy is worth it.