Eric Cartman – Character Quotes

Love is like taking a dump. Sometimes it works itself out, but sometimes, you've gotta give it a nice hard slimy push.

Don't you know the first law of physics? Anything that's fun costs at least $8.

The woman's mouth is the most germ-ridden place, I said. Statistically the most unsafe place for a man to put his penis, I said.

Drugs are bad because if you do drugs you're a hippie and hippies suck.

Damnit! We'll never get any candy if Kenny keeps eating people!

Screw you guys, I'm going home!

— Oh my God, he killed Kenny!
— You bastard!