Dr. Perry Cox – Character Quotes

Don't be embarrassed about staring at my ass. You're only human, and everybody does it anyway.

Newbie, what're you saying? That you want to be like me? Do you understand that I just barely want to be like me?

— Quick, first place we made love?
— Give me a break. We've never «made love».

Turns out the only reason anybody ever does anything is to feed the ego, because that's what we are — ego monsters.

Okay! Here's the tour: This is where the patients enter, upstairs is where they go to die, and down in the basement is where we slide their cold, dead bodies into the wall. Oh, and that's the gift shop.

— You two have been on and off again more than Ross and Rachel from Friends.
— Please, I am nothing like Ross.
— No, of course not. You're Rachel, she's Ross!

We're both men. One of us more than the other. But that's OK...

Listen, Supergirl. I'm gonna break you into so many pieces that my grandmother, who can do a 1,000-piece puzzle in an hour, will never be able to put you back together, even if she goes go back in time to when her vision was perfect.

The addict said he quit? Why wouldn't you tell me that? That changes everything. Just because you have a new girlfriend doesn't mean that the world has suddenly turned into a giant green M&M. The Red Sox still suck, they do. Barbie here still can't decide what to do with those annoying bangs, and addicts everywhere will still lie to get a fix. Now, you've got to wake up, sweetheart. You're gonna be late for school... You wet the bed. Why can't I have a normal child without these problems?

Gosh, Marjorie, aren't you sassy today? Did Santa finally bring you that Y-chromosome you always wanted?

— I can't stop obsessing about this date. What do you think I should do?
— You should go ahead and thank your lucky stars you finally found a gal who's into same-sex relationships.

Say, Newbie, I, uh, I gotta hand it to you. It took the heart of a lion to apologize to Mrs. Wilk like that. It took the incompetence of a bewildered jackass to make that error to begin with.

— You know you're not exactly my favorite person in this dump. And I say that knowing full well you feel the same way about me.
— I started an "I hate Cox" chat room. Hasn't worked out the way I planned. It's me, two interns and 14,000 lesbians.

— The first part of the plan is not to share it with people who annoy me. Want to hear the second part?
— Sure.
— I can't. My hands are tied by the first part.

Write this down. If you push around a stiff, nobody'll ask you to do anything.

— I suppose I could riff a list of things that I care as little about as our last week together. Lemme see, uhh... Low-carb diets. Michael Moore. The Republican National Convention. Kabbalah and all Kabbalah-related products. Hi-def TV, the Bush daughters, wireless hot spots, 'The O. C.', the U. N., recycling, getting Punk'd, Danny Gans, the Latin Grammys, the real Grammys. Jeff, that Wiggle who sleeps too darn much! The Yankees payroll, all the red states, all the blue states, every hybrid car, every talk show host! Everything on the planet, everything in the solar system, everything everything everything everything everything everything that exists — past, present and future, in all discovered and undiscovered dimensions. Oh! And Hugh Jackman.
— Hugh Jackman's Wolverine! How dare he.