Alvy Singer – Character Quotes

Annie: It's so clean out here.
Alvie: Because they don't throw garbage away. They make it into TV shows.

I thought of that old joke. This guy goes to a psychiatrist and says, "Doc, my brother's crazy. He thinks he's a chicken."
The doctor says, "Why don't you turn him in?"
The guy says, "I would, but I need the eggs."
Well, I guess that's, now, how I feel about relationships. They're totally irrational, crazy and absurd. But I guess we keep going through it, because most of us need the eggs.

Don't knock masturbation. It's sex with someone I love.

I never want to belong to any club that would have someone like me for a member.
That's the key joke of my adult life in terms of my relationships with women.