Egotist — a person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me.
Bore — a person who talks when you wish him to listen.
Beauty — the power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband.
Acquaintance — a person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.
Politeness — the most acceptable hypocrisy.
Admiration — our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.
Erudition — dust shaken out of a book into an empty skull.
Back — that part of your friend which it is your privilege to contemplate in your adversity.
Fiddle — an instrument to tickle human ears by friction of a horse's tail on the entrails of a cat.
Historian — a broad-gauge gossip.